If you’ve ever felt exhausted from saying yes when you meant no, or guilty for protecting your peace, you’re not alone. For many women in their 30s and 40s, struggles with trauma and boundaries are deeply rooted in earlier life experiences—particularly narcissistic abuse or growing up as an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA). These experiences can quietly shape how you show up in relationships, work, parenting, and even how you talk to yourself.
At Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC, we often work with women who are successful, capable, and deeply caring—but internally overwhelmed, anxious, and burned out. The common thread? A history of trauma that taught them their needs came second.
How Trauma Impacts Boundaries
Trauma isn’t always a single catastrophic event. Sometimes it’s chronic, relational, and subtle. Narcissistic abuse and growing up in an alcoholic household are prime examples of trauma that teaches you to adapt in order to survive.
You may have learned to:
- Stay hyper-aware of others’ moods
- Avoid conflict at all costs
- Over-explain or justify your needs
- Feel responsible for other people’s emotions
- Confuse guilt with wrongdoing
In these environments, boundaries weren’t respected—or weren’t allowed at all. Over time, your nervous system learned that safety meant people-pleasing, caretaking, or staying silent. As an adult, those survival skills can show up as anxiety, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and difficulty trusting yourself.
Narcissistic Abuse and the Erosion of Self-Trust
Narcissistic abuse often involves manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional unpredictability. You may have been told you were “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “selfish” for having needs. Over time, this chips away at your sense of reality.
Many women who’ve experienced narcissistic abuse struggle with:
- Second-guessing their perceptions
- Feeling selfish for setting limits
- Staying in one-sided relationships
- Feeling anxious when asserting themselves
Rebuilding boundaries after narcissistic abuse isn’t just about learning to say no—it’s about relearning how to trust your internal compass.
Adult Children of Alcoholics: When Chaos Feels Normal
Growing up with addiction often meant inconsistency, emotional neglect, or role reversal. You may have been the “responsible one,” the peacekeeper, or the emotional support for adults who couldn’t show up consistently.
As an adult child of an alcoholic, boundaries can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. You might:
- Feel guilty prioritizing yourself
- Overcompensate in relationships
- Feel uncomfortable with calm or stability
- Struggle with control or perfectionism
Your nervous system may still be operating as if chaos is just around the corner—even when life looks “fine” on the outside.
Practical Boundary Work for Busy, Overwhelmed Women
Healing trauma and boundaries doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. Small, consistent shifts can make a meaningful difference.
Here are a few practical starting points:
- Notice your body’s cues.
Tightness in your chest, resentment, or dread are often boundary signals—not character flaws. - Start with micro-boundaries.
You don’t need to explain everything. Try: “That doesn’t work for me right now.” - Expect discomfort.
Setting boundaries may trigger guilt or anxiety at first—especially if your trauma taught you to keep the peace. - Practice self-validation.
You don’t need permission to protect your time, energy, or emotional safety. - Get support.
Trauma-informed therapy can help you untangle survival patterns from who you truly are.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Adapted
If boundaries feel hard, it’s not because you’re weak—it’s because you learned to survive in environments where your needs weren’t prioritized. Healing trauma and boundaries is about honoring the parts of you that adapted while gently building new ways of relating.
At Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC, our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care, including support for narcissistic abuse survivors and adult children of alcoholics. We help women move from survival mode into lives that feel calmer, more grounded, and more authentic.
You don’t have to do it all alone—and you don’t have to keep abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.