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Send us Fan MailEver tried setting boundaries with your mom, only to hear, "Other mothers and daughters don't have these problems!" 🙄Oh, REALLY? And how the hell would you know?!In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly (aka The Spicy Shrink) answers a real question from a Cycle Breaker Circle member about emotionally immature parents, mother-daughter conflict, and emotional invalidation.We're breaking down why some parents use comparison to dismiss your feelings, why setting boundaries with dysfunctional family members can actually create MORE conflict, and how to stop getting sucked into defending yourself.In this episode, you'll learn:How emotional invalidation shows up in parent-adult child relationshipsWhy avoiding conflict doesn't necessarily mean a family is healthyHow emotionally immature parents may respond when you start setting boundariesWhy breaking generational cycles can disrupt dysfunctional family dynamicsPractical scripts for responding to guilt trips, comparisons, and dismissive commentsBecause just because your family isn't fighting doesn't mean they're healthy. Sometimes it just means everyone learned to shut the hell up.Support the show🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from.✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly.See you next week, friend. 💛

Send us Fan MailSo you’ve realized your family is dysfunctional. You’ve started recognizing the guilt trips, minimizing, gaslighting, and roles you were expected to play.Now what the hell do you do with that information?In Part 2 of my conversation with Christine Giarrizzo—journalist, mom, blogger, and host of the Momming as a Millennial podcast—we keep digging into what happens when you start healing… but your family doesn’t.We talk about boundaries with difficult family members, the guilt that comes with changing old patterns, emotionally immature parents, family manipulation, and why becoming healthier can actually create more conflict in a dysfunctional family system at first.Because when you’ve spent your whole life being the peacekeeper, caretaker, good kid, invisible one, or family therapist, choosing yourself can feel a whole lot like being selfish.It isn’t.And healing doesn’t necessarily mean cutting everyone off, forgiving everything that happened, or finally finding the perfect words that make your family understand you. Sometimes it means learning how to stay grounded in your own reality—even when they disagree with it.🎧 Check out Christine’s podcast, Momming as a Millennial for more honest conversations about motherhood, identity, relationships, and finding yourself outside of everyone else’s expectations.🌶️ Come hang out with me on Instagram @thespicyshrink and tell me what you thought about this conversation. I LOVE hearing what resonated, what made something click, and yes—even what you disagreed with.And if you’re sitting there thinking, Okay, I can see these patterns everywhere now…but I still don’t know how to actually change them, that’s exactly why I created Survival to Self: The Starter Guide to Healing from Dysfunctional Families.It’s where I teach you how to understand the role you learned to play, create boundaries and scripts, recognize manipulation like guilt, gaslighting and DARVO in real time, and build an actual game plan for dealing with your family without abandoning yourself to keep the peace.Support the show🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from.✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly.See you next week, friend. 💛

Send us Fan MailWhat happens when the people who hurt you insist it “wasn’t that bad”—or straight-up tell you it never happened?In Part 1 of this special two-part episode of Not Your Therapist, I’m joined by Christine Giarrizzo, journalist, mom, blogger, and host of the Momming as a Millennial podcast, for a conversation about what it’s like to heal from a dysfunctional family when the people around you minimize, deny, or rewrite your experience.And honestly? This turned into less of an interview and more of a live Q&A—which means we get INTO it.We talk about childhood trauma, emotionally immature parents, dysfunctional family roles, guilt, boundaries, nervous system responses, and why your family may suddenly have a whole lot to say when you stop playing the role they assigned you.Because here’s the thing: your family doesn’t have to agree with your experience for your experience to be real.If you grew up hearing things like “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” “We did the best we could,” or “Why are you still talking about this?”—yeah. This episode is for you.🎧 Check out Christine’s podcast, Momming as a Millennial, for more honest conversations about motherhood, identity, and finding fulfillment beyond taking care of everyone else.🌶️ Come find me on Instagram @thespicyshrink and tell me what hit home. I genuinely want to hear your take.And if you’re ready to go beyond recognizing your dysfunctional family patterns and actually learn what to DO with them, check out Survival to Self: The Starter Guide to Healing from Dysfunctional Families—my step-by-step course for understanding your patterns, setting boundaries, responding to manipulation, and learning how to stop abandoning yourself just to keep the peace.Part 2 coming next.Support the show🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from.✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly.See you next week, friend. 💛

Send us Fan MailDo you feel guilty every time you set a boundary? Say no? Choose yourself? Disappoint someone?You might not actually be experiencing healthy guilt—you might be experiencing the guilt you were conditioned to feel growing up in a dysfunctional family.In this episode, I'm breaking down the difference between healthy guilt and childhood guilt, why emotionally immature parents often teach us to confuse the two, and how to stop letting guilt control your decisions.If you've ever wondered why saying "no" feels so uncomfortable or why someone else's disappointment makes you question yourself, this episode is for you.In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between healthy guilt and conditioned guilt  Why people-pleasers feel guilty for having needs  How dysfunctional families teach children to prioritize everyone else's emotions  Three questions to help you determine whether your guilt is actually useful  How to stop letting guilt make your decisions If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's learning that choosing themselves isn't selfish—it's healing.Support the show🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from.✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly.See you next week, friend. 💛

Send us Fan MailEveryone talks about the narcissistic parent, emotionally immature parent, or toxic family member. But what about the parent who stood by and did nothing?In this episode, I'm unpacking the role of the enabler in dysfunctional families, why the "nice parent" often causes more confusion than the abusive one, and why so many adult children stay stuck waiting for that parent to finally stand up for them.We'll talk about enabling, family roles, emotionally immature parents, codependency, childhood trauma, grief, and why your healing can't depend on someone else's willingness to change.In this episode, you'll learn: What an enabler actually is  Why enabling develops in dysfunctional families  The hidden impact of the "safe" parent who never protected you  Why trying to change the enabler usually keeps you stuck  How to shift your focus back to your own healingSupport the show🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from.✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly.See you next week, friend. 💛