The truth is, autism in women often looks very different than the stereotypes we’ve been taught. And because of that, many women don’t get diagnosed until adulthood—sometimes not until their thirties or forties. At Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC, we often hear from women who say, “I thought I was just anxious, overly sensitive, or bad at relationships.” The reality? For some, those lifelong struggles are connected to being autistic.
When most people think of autism, they often picture a young boy who struggles with social cues, or maybe a man with a brilliant but narrowly focused interest. What rarely comes to mind? A busy thirty-something woman who juggles work deadlines, grocery lists, friendships, and family while secretly wondering why life feels so exhausting.
Why Autism in Women Often Goes Undiagnosed
Autism in women has been under-researched for decades. Historically, diagnostic criteria were developed based on studies of boys, which means the signs in girls and women were often missed. Here are a few reasons women frequently fly under the radar:
- Masking: Many autistic women become experts at hiding their challenges by mimicking social behaviors. You might smile, laugh at the right moments, or force yourself to make eye contact—all while feeling like you’re “performing” rather than connecting.
- Different interests: While boys might have “classic” special interests like trains or math, women might hyper-focus on socially acceptable passions like books, fashion, or wellness routines. From the outside, these look typical, so no one questions them.
- Misdiagnosis: Instead of autism, women are often diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or borderline personality disorder. While those conditions can exist alongside autism, they don’t explain the full picture.
The Emotional Toll
If you’re a woman navigating undiagnosed autism, the impact can be huge. Many women describe feeling like outsiders—constantly anxious about saying the wrong thing, replaying conversations in their head, or burning out from masking.
This cycle leads to stress, anxiety, and exhaustion—something most women in their thirties already deal with. Add autism into the mix, and everyday life can feel like you’re operating on “hard mode.”
That’s where support makes all the difference.
Signs You Might Relate To
While every woman’s experience is unique, here are some common signs of autism in women:
- Feeling drained after social interactions, even with people you like
- Preferring routines and struggling with unexpected changes
- Sensory sensitivities (tags in clothing, certain noises, bright lights)
- Hyper-focus on hobbies or interests
- A history of being called “too sensitive” or “shy”
- Difficulty understanding unwritten social rules (like when it’s your turn to jump into a group conversation)
If you recognize yourself in this list, it doesn’t mean you are autistic—but it may be worth exploring with a professional.
Practical Tips for Women with Autism (or Who Think They Might Be)
Whether you’re diagnosed, self-identify, or are just starting to ask questions, here are some practical ways to reduce stress and create balance:
- Energy audits: Notice which activities drain you and which restore you. Say “no” more often to the draining ones.
- Sensory breaks: Keep small tools handy—noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, or fidget items—to help regulate when things feel overwhelming.
- Routine anchors: Create daily habits (like a morning coffee ritual or evening walk) that bring comfort and predictability.
- Find your people: Seek out neurodivergent-affirming spaces, whether in therapy, support groups, or online communities. Being around people who “get it” reduces the pressure to mask.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever felt like life is a little more complicated for you than it seems to be for others, you’re not alone. Autism in women is real, valid, and often overlooked—but awareness is growing.
Here at Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC, we provide compassionate, affirming care to help women explore whether autism may be part of their story. Whether you’re seeking clarity, strategies for stress management, or simply a safe space to be your authentic self, we’re here to help.
Learn more about our Autism Therapy services at Evolution Wellness.